A Brigid’s Cross tarot spread for celebrating Imbolc

To celebrate Brigid’s strength and creativity, here is a tarot spread, in the shape of the traditional Brigid’s Cross, which is a symbol often handmade with straw as part of honoring her at Imbolc. The cross is often hung inside the home or on the front door as a symbol of protection. So, we will make our Bridgid’s Cross not out of straw, but out of tarot cards.

Just a gross, tired elephant seal creating a stack of snot-soaked tissues

Oh COME ON! This entire sad, tired, overdone stock plot is just one big allegory for the big, virile, rock-hard-faster-than-a-sneeze strong man finally bringing the frail, frigid woman to orgasm. TaDAHH!

I wish I had a thousand vibrators to hurl at every writer who keep reheating this plot and calling it cuisine. Think of something new, for fuck’s sake. Like — repressed witchy woman decides brooding, obsessive man is more annoying than a yeast infection in July, transforms into a dragon, and chomps his head off. And then pukes it up because it tastes like three-day-old boiled okra. That would be a plot twist.

Slot machines will eat your brain!

Making the experience even more disturbing was the people-watching… sitting numbly in front of those machines, hitting the “spin” button over and over and over, stuffing in more money, cigarettes hanging from their lips as they stare at the flashing lights in a stupor, as if hypnotized. The slot machines were eating their brains! Everywhere you looked… zombies!