A Brigid’s Cross tarot spread for celebrating Imbolc

To celebrate Brigid’s strength and creativity, here is a tarot spread, in the shape of the traditional Brigid’s Cross, which is a symbol often handmade with straw as part of honoring her at Imbolc. The cross is often hung inside the home or on the front door as a symbol of protection. So, we will make our Bridgid’s Cross not out of straw, but out of tarot cards.

Just a gross, tired elephant seal creating a stack of snot-soaked tissues

Oh COME ON! This entire sad, tired, overdone stock plot is just one big allegory for the big, virile, rock-hard-faster-than-a-sneeze strong man finally bringing the frail, frigid woman to orgasm. TaDAHH!

I wish I had a thousand vibrators to hurl at every writer who keep reheating this plot and calling it cuisine. Think of something new, for fuck’s sake. Like — repressed witchy woman decides brooding, obsessive man is more annoying than a yeast infection in July, transforms into a dragon, and chomps his head off. And then pukes it up because it tastes like three-day-old boiled okra. That would be a plot twist.