Simple curiosity leads many of us to the gate that swings open into the Big Pagan Garden—a world of magical, mystical beliefs, practices, and paths, most of which include a deep and meaningful connection to nature and our earth. If you’re brand new to Paganism, infused with this curiosity, you might expect that Pagan Curious would introduce you to the sparkly, shiny wonders of crystals, stars, plants, and animals, as well as how to make a basic altar and perform a basic ritual. And, you’d be right! We’ll explore all of this and much more. However, first things first. All of these things exist outside yourself. But the real magic starts within.
Sure, we could launch into all those things right from the start, and say, “This is this, and that is that,” and “do this with that,” but I believe in a far more organic approach to a truly, deeply Pagan perspective on life and spirituality, and it begins within yourself. One of the most beloved poems in the Pagan community is Doreen Valiente’s “Charge of the Goddess,” and the phrase that I really took to heart (and hope you will too) is this one:
“And thou who thinkest to seek for me, know thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not, unless thou know this mystery: that if that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee.“
In other words, while the energy of the Divine Mother Goddess permeates all life on our beautiful planet, it permeates you as well. She has always been within you, but most of us grow up diminished by value systems and cultural norms that pinch off our connection to that divine energy early on. As a brand new Pagan, curious about all the Big Pagan Garden has to offer, let’s first look inward so we’re prepared to take our first step onto the Pagan path.
In Pagan Curious, I put considerable emphasis on reexamining your own true values, as well as your own self-image. In particular, you’ll spend some time reacquainting yourself with your own body and how you feel about it. In American culture, it’s astounding but true: Poor body image can begin as young as 3 years of age. [1],[2]. We are judged by others on how our bodies look, how they’re shaped, or their size, but the harshest judgments can come from ourselves. And so begins a lifetime of self-criticism and never feeling like we’re “good enough.” This diverts psychological energy away from positive growth and toward stagnation—spinning our wheels in the mud of our own toxic self-loathing. This, in turn, interferes with your connection to the divine by creating spiritual static. You can’t hear the truth amid all that noise.
In Pagan Curious, we return to the most basic point: diffusing that static and re-learning to feel serene in our own skin. We all know how to feel like this. We were born that way—happy, gurgling babies, living in the present moment, discovering new sensations—but before long, our joy of feeling completely comfortable in our own bodies, just as they are, becomes contaminated and even extinguished by others.
Complete, perfect, genuine you, in exactly the physical framework in which you arrived in this lifetime on Earth is how the Divine Mother Goddess sees you. She doesn’t withhold love until you lose ten pounds or start wearing sexier jeans. It’s pure, genuine you that she knows and cherishes. Rediscovering how to know and cherish your own true self, in your own unique, precious body brings you into alignment with the Goddess. I call this “congruency,” and it’s a theme we’ll return to time and again—being internally and externally congruent, being congruent with nature, and being congruent with the Universe and divinity.
When you return to this set point of self-acceptance—free, clear, and relaxed—you’ll be infinitely more prepared to connect with nature, magic, and divine energy. Being completely grounded and accepting of who you are facilitates making the best choices about what practices, paths, and spiritualities might be best suited to you. In Paganism, your beliefs and practices aren’t prescribed by a sole authority. You are your own authority, and you will make your own decisions. How vastly more equipped you’ll be to make good decisions if you completely understand and accept yourself—inside and out.
Congruence with yourself provides an organic foundation for developing congruence with nature. When you are filled with serenity and acceptance, you carry that out into your explorations of not only nature, but magic and spirituality as well. Your exploration and discoveries will feel natural, not choreographed or forced. When you feel yourself balking at trying something new, it can be that you’re recognizing that you aren’t being genuine; that proceeding with this activity or belief is just pretending. You’re feeling the incongruence. Respect those niggly feelings, because they are the stirrings of intuition, which is the heart of magic.
A Pagan life is about what you are, not what you do. The truth of your own heart and spirit is infinitely more important than wearing the right cape to a ritual or having a fine wand to cast a circle. And we’ll absolutely talk about capes and wands and rituals, but these are the tinsel on the tree. It’s the tree itself that matters; that is the structure upon which everything else hangs. To be healthy and thrive, that tree needs its roots to be grounded in the earth, air flowing through its branches, sunlight to provide nutrients, and precious water hydrating every cell; Earth, Air, Fire, Water. We’ll also really connect to each of those elements in both our surroundings, and within ourselves. But first, we’re going to really love and accept that tree, in whatever shape or size it is.
Nothing else in nature other than humans squanders precious mental energy on getting a hot beach bod before summer. Not butterflies, not trees, not dolphins or seagulls or porcupines. All of nature lives in complete congruence, whether plant or animal. It experiences its physical nature at that moment in that time, and doesn’t fret about its appearance. To be completely at home in your own body and intimately connected to your natural surroundings may seem difficult or even impossible, but here’s the thing: To experience life like this is literally in your DNA. It’s how your ancient ancestors existed, and their DNA lives within you. It will spark alive when you start experiencing things your DNA recognizes: the ebb and flow of nature, the perpetual swirling of one season into the next, the hush when the sky fades from blue to lavender at sunset, the scent of wet autumn leaves and blossoming honeysuckle, the glory of gazing up into the night sky at the moon and stars and wondering what it’s all about. Your DNA is quite familiar with these things. Your task, and your joy, is to become reacquainted with it, and them. We’ll begin with your body.
Body Acceptance Ritual
Take a deep breath and stand naked in front of a mirror. What’s your immediate reaction? Acceptance? Dissatisfaction? Revulsion? Do you zero in on every “flaw”? Do you start measuring your body against all those photos in fashion magazines or on celebrity Instagram feeds? If so, you’ve set yourself up for sorrow, because those images are Photoshopped and/or carefully staged and curated. The image you’re trying to achieve is digital. It’s not real.
Gather up all your self-criticism and give yourself a vigourous full-body shake, like a dog shedding water. Shake it all off of you. Look at yourself again, with only observation—not judgment. For example, rather than “My belly is flabby” or “My nose is crooked,” just “This is my belly” or “This is my nose.” Give that body part some love and acceptance for a change. Touch it gently, lovingly, like you would stroke a baby’s cheek. Cuddle it. Hold it. Say, “This is my belly.” “This is my nose.” Hook into a sense of ownership. Invite some divine love from the Universe and channel it right to that area. Lock onto those feelings, make those statements again: “This is my belly.”
Do you feel a little different than when we started? Even a smidge? Rest in those feelings for a moment.
Now, release those feelings and let them blossom into a sense of protectiveness. Make a vow to keep your body and mind safe from toxic criticism. Imagine a protective coating all over you, like magical teflon—harmful, hateful comments will be instantly repelled. You are creating a strong psychological boundary. When criticism tries to permeate it, zap those psychological assaults with, “I do not accept your opinion” and “I am perfect and whole, just the way I am.” And then—walk away. You aren’t required to be in the presence of toxic criticism. When the criticism comes from within, zap it with this: “I will not participate in my own emotional abuse.” You are ultimately the only one who will protect you from harm, internal or external. Commit to your own self-protection ferociously.
Now, let’s luxuriate in this newfound skill of self-appreciation and self-protection, and symbolically wash away all toxic psychological residue. All you need is a bathtub and some Epsom salt. Even table salt will do in a pinch. If you want to jazz it up a little, include some fresh lemon juice or some calming, cleansing aromatic herbs like rosemary or lavender, and a candle for a warm, soft glow. If you don’t have any of these things handy, plain water or even just a shower rather than a bathtub will do just fine. Focused intention is far more important than stuff.
Fill your bathtub with water, and swirl in your salt and herbs as you speak this mantra into the water: “My body is fine and divine, just the way it is.” (Side bonus: This is another mantra to keep in your pocket that you can whip out to zap any negative thoughts or comments about your body or your appearance.) Now, slip into that warm water, and relax. Imagine any negative energy or thoughts leaching right out into the water. When you feel calm and clear, dunk your head all the way under so you’re completely submerged. When you pop back up, breathe a long, slow, cleansing breath, and imagine your body and spirit clearing of all toxic residue. Repeat your mantra. Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a warm, loving hug.
When you’re done soaking, towel dry, and return to the mirror. Look at your body again. Repeat the mantra. Starting at your toes, spread some soothing oil or lotion over each body part, and thank it for the job it does: “Thank you, foot, for helping me to balance… Thank you, leg, for carrying me through my life…” and so on until you reach the top of your head. Lift your hands over your head, and clasp them together. This is the traditional posture of the Goddess, and the location of the Crown Chakra, which connects you to the divine love of the Universe. Imagine that divine love as gentle pink light, filling you up like a vessel. Relish in a feeling of connection and congruence with the Goddess, the universe, and yourself.
As we travel forward on our Pagan path, we’ll channel that connection and congruence out into our natural surroundings, the universe, our spirituality, and our magic. But for now, luxuriate in a fresh, new experience of being at home in your own skin, serene and pure. Let the love for your body and yourself flow through your breath and veins, thoughts and feelings. It’s a pretty lovely feeling, isn’t it? And just imagine—we’re only getting started!
[1] Gersch, Daron. “Body Image (Children and Teens).” FamilyDoctor.org. February 2021. https://familydoctor.org/building-your-childs-body-image-and-self-esteem/
[2] Lee, Kathering. “6 Ways to Help Young Children Avoid Body Image Issues.” Verywellfamily.com. April 30, 2021. https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-help-young-children-avoid-body-image-issues-4114718
(This article first appeared in New Leaf magazine, March 2022.)