Wait, what? Facebook compromised our privacy? That’s outrageous! What’s next? Santa Claus isn’t real? Unicorns don’t poop glitter? OK, I can’t actually verify the validity of unicorn poop, having not …
Blog
Let’s abandon the Annual Light String Ritual
“So, are your Christmas lights up really early or are you really late taking them down?” asks Joe the Butcher, who I’ve re-nicknamed Joe the Jokester — Joekester for short. …
If we can’t believe in Ellen, we can’t believe in anything
Everything I know about all that is good and true in the universe has been shattered. I stared in wide-eyed dismay at the television screen and shriveled back in horror. …
Socialism and the Magic Kingdom
“That smell… it’s so nostalgic.” I knew exactly what my daughter meant as we stepped into the cavernous “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at Disneyland, our traditional first stop. That …
My Top Ten Things I Miss About Christmas
Because things seem just too stressful to think about for longer than 15 seconds these days, let’s look back instead. Just in time for the holidays, I give you: The …
Sexual harassment or just crassitude?
Apparently men can no longer be allowed in the workplace. Going forward, men will only be allowed as house pets. I keed, I keed… Because, come on — men make …
Boob Blog: Are our bras killing us?
Four years ago, I wrote about the horrific breast rash I’d finally pinned to two of my Victoria’s Secret bras. They were the same style and color I’d worn for …
A tribute to Debbie Reynolds, because it’s all her fault
You know why there are so many Debbies around my age? Because of Debbie Reynolds. She was one of The Superstars of the ’50s. My mother couldn’t think of anything …
The horse of my dreams — Part 2
I didn’t set out to get a horse. That would just be insanity. Who gets it in her head to get on a horse after 33 years, at nearly 60 …
The horse of my dreams — Part I
Sometimes dreams come true when you aren’t even dreaming them. Sometimes dreams become so unrealistic, so impractical, they fade away like the pink sky at sunset… going, going… gone. So …