It was 15 years ago today — Beltane! — that my husband and I decided to “tie the knot”: We were handfasted at Harbin Hot Springs, a most sacred place to us, and it was officiated by our Tantra teachers, Steve and Lokita Carter. As it was our second time around at the altar, and our values and preferences had changed a lot since we embarked on our original starter marriages, we wanted to stay true to the Pagan path we’d discovered.
“Handfasting” means the couple’s hands are “held fast” together by a ceremonial cord or braid. Ours was custom made, in meaningful, magical colors of silver (the moon, feminine energy), gold (the sun, masculine energy), green (the Heart Chakra), and lavender (peacefulness), and adorned with chips of flourite and amethyst for serenity, as well as symbols of a bee for hard work that results in sweet rewards, a dragonfly for rebirth and renewal, and the Goddess, for the Goddess, of course!
We wrote our own vows to match our Pagan values. Lokita made a circle of pink rose petals in which our ceremony took place, inside the Harbin temple, and tehn Steve literally “tied the knot” on our handfasting cord. The tradition is that as long as that knot stays in place, so does our “marriage.” Another handfasting tradition is that the bond is only for one year and a day, at which time either partner can decide this relationship isn’t for them, and opt out. As it is our 15th anniversary this year, clearly neither of us took that option.
Handfasting comes from ancient Scottish Celtic practices, and predates the Christian version of marriage. In modern day America, other practices are sometimes included in a handfasting ceremony, such as “jumping the broom,” a marriage tradition that came to America along with enslaved Africans. Couples jumped over a broom handle to signify new beginnings, and to ward off any negative energy. In true American fashion, handfastings have even found their way into traditional marriage ceremonies.
Because we were handfasted on Beltane, part of the tradition of that sabbat is to “jump the bale fire,” which also has its roots in ancient Scottish Celtic traditions. The bale fire symbolizes protection and purification of the cattle herd. Our “bale fire” was actually just firewood in a pit, and because we were both 50 years old at the time, the fire was very small and the pit quite narrow, and I wouldn’t really call it a “jump” so much as it was a “hop.” But, we made it over, and that’s all that counts!
One little note about handfasting in the U.S. — the government does not recognize it as legal marriage unless it is performed by a recognized wedding officiant that is legally qualified or ordained to perform weddings in your state. You must also get an official marriage license prior to your ceremony (get one at your county courthouse or records department), and the officiant will sign it after your ceremony. After that, yes, you are legally recognized by the government as “married.” If you don’t care about that, anyone can perform the ceremony.
If you are looking for an alternate, non-traditional, or Pagan way to officiate your marriage, I will be teaching a class on Monday, May 6, with Elder Priestess Taffy Dugan of “Graceful Ceremonies.” Taffy performs a variety of Pagan ceremonies, including handfastings and memorials. Everyone is welcome to join us! For more information or to sign up, go to https://www.magicku.org/course/handfasting-magical-matrimony-with-debra-special-guest-taffy-dugan.
