“Handfasting” isn’t about starving your hands. It’s a traditional way to get married, Pagan style. It’s where the term “tying the knot” comes from. A ceremonial cord or braid wrapped around the couple’s wrist is actually tied in a knot. When tied, the couple’s hands are “held fast” together. Traditionally, as long as that knot stays in place, so does the “marriage.” Want a divorce? Just untie the knot. Clean and simple, right? Another handfasting tradition is that the bond is only for one year and a day, at which time either partner can decide this relationship isn’t for them, and opt out. No harm, no foul — one or both people have decided not to make a purchase after the lease. Both are then free to move on.
The traditional Pagan sabbats (holidays) for handfastings are approaching: Beltane on May 1, and Litha — the Summer Solstice — which falls on June 20 this year. Of course, you can have a handfasting at any time of year, just like a mainstream wedding ceremony. If you want to “Pagan it up” a notch, align your ceremony and decor with the season in which you’re having your ceremony. You don’t have to be Pagan to have a handfasting. The practice is becoming more and more present in traditional wedding ceremonies. If you’re looking for a non-traditional marriage ceremony, or for something special to add to your traditional ceremony, consider a handfasting.
Handfasting comes from ancient Scottish Celtic practices, and predates the Christian version of marriage. In modern day America, other practices are sometimes included in a handfasting ceremony, such as “jumping the broom,” a marriage tradition that came to America along with enslaved Africans. Couples jumped over a broom handle to signify new beginnings, and to ward off any negative energy.
Handfasting is much less financially traumatic than a typical modern-day wedding ceremony, where just the dress can cost $5,000 or more. And you only wear it once! My inner cheapacabra can’t quite wrap her penny-pinching brain around that. If you’re planning to get married, your ceremony doesn’t have to break the bank or require a five-year loan. You can create a beautiful, personalized ceremony in a natural setting, with nature as your church. A handfasting can be as elaborate or minimalist as you wish. At the bare minimum, you need a cord, ribbon, or rope, two loving hearts, and someone to tie your special knot. A wedding is just one day in the (hopefully) much longer life of your marriage. Why spend upwards of $30,000 for one solitary party? That money could be better spent on a down payment for your first house, a new car, or the most fantastic honeymoon ever. You can base your special ceremony in love, sincerity, and genuineness, rather than planning a whole stress-filled circus and incurring ridiculous expense or debt.
Also, about that “honeymoon” — this is yet another Pagan-based term, and comes from the tradition of supplying the newlywed couple with plenty of mead, which is fermented honey wine, to ensure that the ceremony resulted in consummation. Litha/Summer Solstice is traditionally associated with mead, which will add a traditional Pagan touch if you are marrying in June — or anytime, really. Any time is a good time for mead! You can find it at alcoholic beverage stores, natural food stores, and sometimes even grocery stores. In my opinion, the best mead can be found from private craft brewers who make it themselves in small batches.
My husband and I “tied the knot” on Beltane, the sabbat of approaching summer, as well as love, romance and passion. A traditional Beltane practice is “jumping the bale fire,” which also has its roots in ancient Scottish Celtic traditions. The bale fire symbolizes protection and purification of the cattle herd. Our “bale fire” was actually just firewood in a pit, and because we were both 50 years old at the time, the fire was very small and the pit quite narrow — it was more of a hop than a jump. But, we made it over, and that’s what counts!
Our handfasting cord was custom made, in meaningful, magical colors of silver (the moon, feminine energy), gold (the sun, masculine energy), green (the Heart Chakra), and lavender (peacefulness), and adorned with chips of fluorite and amethyst for serenity, as well as symbols of a bee for hard work that results in sweet rewards, a dragonfly for rebirth and renewal, and the Goddess, for the Goddess, of course! You can make a handfasting cord yourself by braiding ribbon, and there are many, many handmade fasting cords to be found online, such as on Etsy.
Neither of us wanted the big church wedding. We wanted our special ceremony stripped down to only the most precious details. We were handfasted at Harbin Hot Springs, a most sacred place to us, and it was officiated by our spiritual teachers, Steve and Lokita Carter. We wrote our own vows to match our Pagan values. Lokita made a circle of pink rose petals in which our ceremony took place, inside the Harbin temple, and then Steve literally “tied the knot” on our handfasting cord. That was it. Sweet and simple, and 16 years later — our knot is still firmly tied.
If you’d like a Pagan ceremony for your handfasting (which is essentially a ritual) but aren’t really familiar with how a Pagan ritual works, here is a basic ritual template, which you can alter or embellish to your own preferences and desires:
As to the legalities of handfasting, the U.S. government does not recognize it as legal marriage unless it is performed by a recognized wedding officiant that is legally qualified or ordained to perform weddings in your state — the same as any other wedding ceremony. You must get an official marriage license prior to your ceremony (get one at your county courthouse or records department), and the officiant will sign it after your ceremony. After that, yes, you are legally recognized by the government as “married.” If you don’t care about a legal marriage, anyone can perform a handfasting ceremony. However, to imbue your ceremony with Pagan energy, there are officiants who specialize in this, such as Elder Priestess Taffy Dugan of “Graceful Ceremonies.” Taffy performs a variety of Pagan ceremonies, including handfastings and memorials, and can definitely accommodate your creativity. Visit her at https://taffydugan.com/