The breadbasket has been in one corner on our kitchen counter forever. You have to reach over a bunch of olive oil and vinegar bottles to get some bread. Sometimes the bottles almost get knocked over if you don’t have quick reflexes. 

Two days ago… the husband of this household did not have quick reflexes. 

*clink*

*crash*

A ceramic cup lost its life, taken out by a tipped bottle of avocado oil. 

He: &$@%#£¥murfuckin&$}*?|>!!! 👹
WHY DO THESE GODDAM BOTTLES HAVE TO BE IN FRONT OF THE BREAD BASKET👹
WHAT DO WE EVEN NEED AVOCADO OIL FOR? 
?&@€€}€{~>$@!!!! 👹

Wellsir, I thought about that for two days. 

Why IS the breadbasket there?
Why ARE the bottles there? 

And we need avocado oil because: DUH. 
🥑

As for the other two questions, the only answer I could produce is “Because they have always been there.” Not for any sort of planning but because I put them there once about 20 years ago and never re-evaluated that. And there they stayed.

Programming note: You can easily learn to reach over the bottles without calamity if you have a vagina. 

The one who reached over them most recently did not. 

And now… an innocent cup is dead. 

DEAD. 

*sadness*

😔

So thia morning, I examined our kitchen countertop clusterfuck. 🤔

And ever so slowly… as if whispered to me from the divine realm by some sleepy-eyed chubby-cheeked cherub… it dawned on me…

What if. 
What IF. 
WHAT IF!!!

What if… you moved the bread basket… to the OTHER corner!!!

Mind. 
BLOWN. 
🤯

And so… ever so thoughtfully, as if rearranging the wires on an explosive device… I moved the breadbasket to – get this – the OTHER corner. 

Only the bottles occupy the other corner now. 

Alone. 

It’s as if I’ve just swallowed the Red Pill. 

🐇