Just a gross, tired elephant seal creating a stack of snot-soaked tissues

Oh COME ON! This entire sad, tired, overdone stock plot is just one big allegory for the big, virile, rock-hard-faster-than-a-sneeze strong man finally bringing the frail, frigid woman to orgasm. TaDAHH!

I wish I had a thousand vibrators to hurl at every writer who keep reheating this plot and calling it cuisine. Think of something new, for fuck’s sake. Like — repressed witchy woman decides brooding, obsessive man is more annoying than a yeast infection in July, transforms into a dragon, and chomps his head off. And then pukes it up because it tastes like three-day-old boiled okra. That would be a plot twist.

Welcome to my new place!

So, how do you like my new digs? Snazzy, eh? I really dragged my heels about getting this done because I realized I needed help, and there’s almost nothing I …

Knocking down the cobwebs

Pffft… pffft… pfffffffft…. Dang, there are cobwebs all over this place, aren’t there! Dust everywhere you look! I’m almost ashamed to admit that I haven’t made a single post since …